"Why is your baby so dark...how much weight have you put on, you don't even know how to change a nappy, do C-sections run in your family …the list could go on"
These a few of many comments I have had personal experience of myself or other family members experiencing after giving birth. You know the best thing to do is just to ignore the comments and not take them to heart. However, it was those comments and moments which made me feel so terrible, emotional and on edge. You feel extra sensitive with the hormonal changes of giving birth and if you are suffering from baby blues/postpartum depression these comments only worsen how you are feeling. Some tips I learnt from experience:
Tip #1 - Tune out
If something helpful, productive, useful is being shared tune in. If something negative, unhelpful, damaging and hurtful is being said, tune out, distract yourself, get a glass of water, go to the bathroom, anything to just tune out and switch off from the conversation so you don't react emotionally or take too much notice as to what has been said. There are some people who might even be oblivious as to what they are saying and have no idea they may have upset you.
Tip #2 - Surround yourself around positive people
If you have good friends or family especially those who have been through childbirth seeking their support and reassurance can make the world of difference. I found going to stay at my Mums for two weeks after giving birth really helpful as I had a lot of reassurance, love and support from the people around me, who helped me to recover after having a C-section.
Tip #3 - Just because somebody makes a NEGATIVE comment which gives you a NEGATIVE thought, DOES NOT MEAN that NEGATIVE THOUGHT is now TRUE. Don't fall into this cycle!
Tip #4 - Trust your own maternal instinct
The "mother knows best" saying is actually true most of the time. You will have a maternal instinct to do something a particular way, trust this. You know your baby best. You will figure out when the baby is hungry/tired/sleepy/needs nappy change, their cues in time, it is all a learning process. I remember being told that I am not feeding my newborn properly in the first few days after birth, but in reality, he was cluster feeding and I was breastfeeding him just fine.
Tip #5 -Move on
Somebody made a negative comment, let them take that negative comment with them when they leave your house, don't let it linger around for you to revisit it, move on. Wasting your precious energy and time on getting upset over comments most definitely is not worth it.
Tip #6 -Look after yourself
Look after yourself and your own mental health, as being mentally strong and healthy will help you look after your baby even better. Don't neglect self-care and pamper yourself whenever you can.
For visitors itching to make unhelpful comments unless it is positive or productive, it is better to keep quiet. However, if visitors want to offer to cook for the first two weeks to help the new Mum get some rest or offer to look after the baby whilst Mum has a nap or borrow a useful baby item then that is most welcome.