When your birth plan does not go to plan...
My birth plan was aiming for a vaginal delivery ideally without any intervention, I hadn't considered any other possibilities of how I may give birth. I was booked in for induction of labour on a Friday- I was 41 weeks and 5 days pregnant. In my head I was going to have the 'stretch and sweep' and expected to come back home that day. I hadn't even cleaned the fridge out properly or sorted the leftovers out, as I expected I would be home in the evening.
I ended up having an ultrasound scan which showed there was no fluid around the baby which was abnormal to find as I hadn't noticed my waters breaking. I reassured them I had been wearing a sanitary towel for the last two weeks in case my waters broke whilst I was out in public and I hadn't noticed anything. I later found out that the absence of fluid was due to my placenta not working as well as I was overdue.
I was feeling such regret that I didn't get the stretch and sweep offered at 40 weeks and 41 weeks to encourage the labour to start naturally. Both myself and my husband didn't want any intervention and wanted things to be done as natural as possible- I was even hoping for a water birth but things never went to plan.
When the doctor arrived to discuss the ultrasound findings it was clear I needed to be admitted and start induction of labour which is when they give you medication to encourage labour to start. I arrived on the maternity ward and noticed there seemed to be only two midwives running a busy ward.
Both me and my husband asked a few times when I would be getting the medication but there were delays in being put on the monitor as the midwives were busy with other women. I didn't mention I was a doctor as I didn't want to seem like I was expecting special treatment. I was trying to be understanding as I have worked as a GP trainee on a maternity ward and understand how busy it can be.
They put me on the monitor (CTG) to keep an eye on the heart rate and activity of my baby. There were a few dips in his heart rate, but my baby then recovered. The senior doctors who would have reviewed the readings from the monitor were busy on the labour ward but my case was discussed with them. It was decided I would still be given the medication as the readings had recovered again. I was reassured I didn't need to look at the monitor to keep an eye on the readings as somebody would be keeping an eye on the telemetry screens outside at the ward desk. I couldn't help staring at the monitor though, I noticed a drop in the heart rate to 50 when I had turned. We called the midwife and she said she will change the position of the probes. I was concerned the heart rate dropped again and was taking longer to come up.
This is when we called the midwife again and they quickly wheeled me in a trolley straight to the labour ward where in a matter of a few minutes I got into a hospital gown, had a cannula and catheter inserted, had an internal vaginal exam which showed I wasn't in labour and told I needed an emergency Caesarean section. The baby was in distress and needed to be delivered straight away. Next thing I know I am laying on my back in theatre with the anaesthetist getting ready to give me the general anaesthetic medication through the face mask and through the cannula. It all happened so quickly I just remember praying that I survive to meet my baby before everything went hazy.
The next thing I remember is waking up groggy in the delivery suite. I couldn't really move much and had a few things attached to me like drips and a catheter. I remember the midwife handing me my baby and I couldn't believe I had given birth to such a beautiful and sweet baby. The midwife asked if I was able to feed him or she could get a bottle ready. I didn't want him to have a bottle as his first feed and somehow managed to breastfeed him although I can't remember doing it.
Being Muslim one of the traditions is that the call to prayer is recited into the baby's ear after birth and I can't remember this happening. It upsets me thinking that I missed out on these moments or can't recall them.
I found out that my baby had passed poo in the womb which is bad for the baby (meconium), and he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, so he really did need to come out and I was grateful he was okay. But I was also sad that both myself and my husband were not able to witness the actual birth or be next to our baby in the moments he took his first breaths. My husband was not allowed in as I was under general anaesthetic and it was an emergency situation, so he waited alone in a side room. I feel like we missed out. But I take comfort in the fact he was born healthy although he was on the small side. We were expecting a bigger baby from the estimated weights in the scans so all the baby clothes I had packed were very big on him which wasn't a big deal in the bigger scheme of things.
As I didn't give birth naturally or experience the severe pains of labour, I almost felt like I didn't give birth properly or had failed as a woman. However, then I remember the difficulties that came after giving birth via C section. The memories come back of me moaning when trying to move as the pain relief started to wear off, struggling to lift my legs onto the bed as they were so swollen or every time I coughed, my wound felt like it was about to pop. I had given birth just not in the way I had expected.
Having a debrief two months after giving birth with one of the hospital consultants from the maternity department was helpful as the consultant went over our medical notes and explained in more detail what had happened. Me and my husband then got a chance to share our feelings about areas where care could be improved and things which could be done to prevent any potential harm to baby and mother. We also got a chance to ask any questions so for those who have been through a traumatic birth or birth where they felt there was substandard care, I would really recommend people to request this from the discharging doctors to organise as follow up.
There is an incredible pressure and workload on maternity care, as evidenced in cases in the media where there have been shortcomings in maternity services, and it is important to highlight these shortcomings to help put pressure on the government to increase funding and resources to ensure maternity services are better equipped to deliver high quality care.
I remember feeling so emotional when we were taking our baby home and putting him in the car seat as right next to us there was a car full of people mourning the loss of a loved one who had died. Whilst we were celebrating the birth of our baby, they were mourning the loss of somebody close to them. It reminded me how precious life is and how blessed we were to be taking our baby home as it was close to being a very different story.